Thursday, 10 April 2008

Warning, Toilet Humour

Or something approaching that.

I was at Yorkdale mall today, doing work for a client. Went to the food court for some lunch (mmmmmmm A&W teen burger). As nature is wont to do, it called.

So I head on over to the public johns. I find a stall with an apparently clean porcelain recliner for my delicate heiney and commence activities. This particular unit was equipped with one of those proximity eye thingies that are supposed to detect when you leave, so that flushing will happen on its own.

Mid-way through my cheek flexing exercises the automated flushing mechanism kicked in and started to whisk away the product of my efforts. It was somewhat startling as my efforts had yet to be completed, I felt that I had only warmed up.

What was more disturbing, the flushing action did not stop. It kept going and going and going. Now this was no normal flush. Somehow the manufacturers of this particular waste disposal unit had somehow trapped a whirlpool from the Niagara River and caged it in porcelain. Airline privies have nothing on this particular unit. It was somewhat disconcerting to have my naked backside continuously bathed in the spray spewed by the howling water devil attempting to escape its chains. I felt like I was on the Maid of The Mist at the base of Niagara Falls, if one could hang ones backside through a port hole that is.

With some sense of urgency I somehow hurried things along and commenced clean-up. Given the continual nature of the flushing I resolved forth with to report this animal to mall staff. With clothes refastened I leave this stall of the demon flush, and the demon stops. Complete silence from the stall so recently vacated.

Now I'm probably being paranoid but, it seems to me that this thing activated on purpose. Its sole reason for doing so is to discourage laggards or wandering hobos that overstay their welcome. Yorkdale mall is on the subway line, and maybe they have had a problem with strays.

All I can say is, it was damned effective at chasing me away. Though I think my rear cheeks may have a nice polished sheen to them.

1 comment:

Ken Breadner said...

I freakin' HOWLED.
Thanks. I needed that.