Wednesday, 18 March 2009

Its gone!

Almost exactly 1 year ago I wrote this post about my battle with depression.

I described it as a shadow on my mind, a little demon that sits and waits:

Quite honestly, that dark shadow calling me to the abyss of oblivion still lingers. It used to lurk not far from my thoughts at all times. Even now, though I feel I have it beat, I find it there tucked in a corner of my mind, lurking, waiting. I have lived with it for so long it almost feels like an old friend.

I have lived with this since my teens and for all of my adult life. For over 20 years, I've had a corner of my mind whispering "Just kill yourself, life isn't worth it!"

Until the last 2-3 months.

Its gone. That little dark shadow has disappeared. Its the weirdest thing. The closest I can describe the sensation is like losing a tooth. Your tongue constantly probes the hole where that tooth was. I'm searching and probing my mind for that dark little bastard and I can't find him. There's a hole in my personality where that demon used to reside.

Is it gone forever? I don't know.

But for once I am more at peace than I have ever truly been in my life. And I'm grateful.


Ken Breadner said...

So am I.
Any idea what booted the bugger out?

Catelli said...

Damned if I know Ken.

I'd like to claim that a positive outlook and a new attitude toward life are responsible.

But I'd be shitting you if I claimed that.