Wednesday, 28 October 2009

Cold Calls Leave me Cold

I haven't done a good rant lately. I'm due.

Damn! I hate cold calls from vendors looking for clients. Every frakkin reseller will promise you the world, but will deliver you a globe instead and go "What? We delivered what we promised!" You're all snake-oil sellers. Salesmen (and salesladies) are a species apart from the human race. They're a lower order of scum below that of lawyers, politicians and insurance agents (your mileage may vary). Everyone wants to be your best friend, only deliver what you want, not pressure you, etc. etc. Yeah, yeah, yeah, until you read the fine print. Been there, done that, have the contract or "statement of work" and I'll beat you to death with the stack in the filing cabinet.

Prospective vendors take note. If you cold call me, I note your name and your company and I add them to the "I will never do business with this firm" list. I hate cold calls that much. And there's the evil genius in my plan. Since I'm anonymous, that means any cold call you make, you could be calling me! BWAH HA HA HA HA HA!

Not all salescritters are unethical bastards. Just the majority. Through many years of being bloodied, betrayed and deceived I have found a few trusted salespeople that are actually human. And they get all my business (and untendered contracts). Why? Because of that all-important pre-existing relationship built on trust and experience.

So cold-calling salescritter, why would I give that up? Why would I throw away relationships built up over the last decade to give you my business? Why would I risk the humiliation of trusting you and being over-promised and under-served again?

If I need you, I'll find you. Till then, don't e-mail me, don't call me, or you'll wind up on "the list."

You have been warned.

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