I succumbed after all. On my drive home tonight I bought a Lotto Max ticket. Just pissed away $5 on a dream.
That dream is get out of my rut. It's not that I hate my job, but I don't like it either. My original plan was to work here for 3 years, get the experience and get out. And then the tech crash that started the century happened.
So here I am 12 years later, bored out of my frakking skull. It has long since passed the point of being a job I want to do, to becoming the job I need to do. To need to do it for another 30 years..... ugh.
So what do I want to do? Get into consulting. I do love implementing technological solutions to business problems. But being a single income family, we need the health insurance and dependable income too much. Maybe in a few years the risk will be more palatable.
To be fair to my employer, my problems are entirely my own. Yeah there's things I bitch about, but find an employee that doesn't bitch about their job and you've found a corpse. Or you're talking to Rick Mercer... But other than those special few, the rest of us are stuck working for "the man" in one way or another.
My hours are my own, I get a good salary, I have the respect of my managers and yet I am not happy. Why? Because I think too god damned much! If I could just turn it off, be more of a machine, I could get through the day. As it is the illogical decisions, inconsistent priorities and irrational personalities are causing a slow death of a thousand cuts. Stop me if this is your life too...
So I gave in to a 1 in 4 zillion dream. Hell, it doesn't have to be the $50 mill, just one of the million dollar bonus draws would free up my options.
Call me a hypocrite, but if lightning strikes, I'll be a wealthy hypocrite!